so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
