and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
