Acid is not a monday night drug
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
