I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
