you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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