Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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