I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
