would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
