i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
