Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
