apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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