Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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