just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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