dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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