you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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