I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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