The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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