I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your penis caused this!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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