there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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