I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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