he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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