Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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