Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
