we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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