omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize