dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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