And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize