Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
