i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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