he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
