dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
