My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
