Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize