She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
