where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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