Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
