She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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