Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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