and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
