new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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