he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
