Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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