Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
