What did we do last night that was yellow?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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