i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
