I want to have your abortion
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
