All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
