Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize