i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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