Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
