this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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