I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
