Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
