The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
