ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
