so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
