I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
